My Nordic soul battles with my English soul

I have a vision for my future Nordic life, where I will join a small community in Denmark, part of the Vineyard Church and visit once a year at a Christian summer camp and keep in touch throughout the year via the Internet. However, after nearly 50 years immersed in English society and unable to speak Danish, I feel that I am struggling against my English soul.

My Nordic soul begins to dream

As much as I would like to do this or do that, at this stage I cannot commit to a particular goal. I can begin to develop my Nordic identity, which is a huge step after nearly 50 years of doing nothing.

If I can have an English identity, then why can I not have a Nordic identity? Do I need to give up 25% of my English identity in order to develop a Nordic identity? I have to devote a certain amount of time in order to develop my Nordic identity. I am awake 16 hours a day – four hours a day, realistically. If I am serious then I must put in some serious time each day with Danish language learning taking up perhaps 30 minutes a day, Fact Finding, personality development, social skills development. After work, I might have 2 hours a day spare.

What about the past 50 years where I have not had a Nordic identity? That time is gone forever. I can never get it back. I missed out on a Danish childhood. I missed out on developing into a young Danish adult. I missed out on the option to have a Danish girlfriend. Of course, I could not have lived in Denmark. I missed out on meeting my Danish family – perhaps, I don’t know, I might have missed out on meeting my Danish great-grandparents.

I wonder what my Danish family members thought about me – my grandmother’s brothers and sisters have passed but their children live on – my mother’s cousins. Their children – my cousins once removed or Second cousins – are still alive and they have children. I wonder if they ever wondered why I never met them in Denmark.

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